alright, fine, i accept defeat
mckim is right, greg is right but i just want to say one thing before we never have a beloved lj argument again

i will refuse to join facebook. i dont want to grow up yet, and i dont think any of you do either
why are we giving up on the site that let us be the stupid, arguing kids we are.
we had fun and none of you can deny it
growing up is overrated

the ability to feel is something we all take for granted. the fact that we get angry and emotional is something that should be celebrated. i want to be human again.
everyday at several times i have to convince myself of who i am, why im alive and why i should stay alive. it is the worst thing ever. we have lost touch with each other and it kills me. i want the stupid debates back that made me angry or doubt friendships. i want to stay a kid for a little longer. its one of the things i like about being in high-school still. im still a kid and i dont have to be an adult if i dont want to be.
i hate insomnia and what its done to make me lose feeling. i dont want any of you to lose it either.

i urge you, no, ask you to do me a favour
make one last emo post. make one last funny post. make one last post descirbing your day of why you love someone. this is mine and ill do another soon

if you still dont like this site afterwards, go on, leave for good and i wwont judge. ill understand and move on like i shouldve a long time ago.

being a kid is something we can boast about for only a few more years max. lets not waste it or take it for granted.

i remember every word youve ever said to me....

i just wanna sleep.

yesterday was a bad high

and today was a wierd drunk with my family

[	Current Location	|	home :(	]
[	mood	|	contemplative	]
[	music	|	stupid clutch	]

i just fucking hate being grounded! its honestly the worst cause theres not much i can do at this time of night without my parents getting mad or me getting in more trouble.
whats worse is that im in solitude, and i cant even talk away my problems or be social with my friends.
i hate being antisocial

whats ironic is that the other night while not sleeping everything about the last 6 months hit me. and i am completely anit-social

im a jerk, straight up. and i realized how great my life wouldve been if i had the same social skills i used to have instead of the one where i push everyone away. i fought everyone who used to be important to me just so i could define myself. my stupid search for full respect ended up in me losing alot of respect. i screwed up big time and payed every price for it.
im fortunate enough to have some wonderful friends and i thank you for supporting me through everything i did. im sure you hated me at times but i could still count on you to never abandon me, and that means alot, and you guys will get the best of me again (and free pizza lol)

for all those i fought and pushed away. im sorry. im tired of being this forcefield of emotion that wont let you get anywhere near me. im gonna start being there for all of you again. ill listen, talk, and be fun again you have my word and i hope deweys party was an example of who im becoming again.

im not gonna be the nick that some used to walk all over, but i will be the fun, social kid again. the middle ground as i like to call it, what ive been searching for really.

even though the first few months of the new me were the defining, they were still some of the best. remember? when we didnt just all pile in a house.  we had bonfires, went out for dinner, and did alot of random shit. sure some nights were terrible, but others were the best times of our lives you cant deny that. that mix of imagination and teenage fun is something id like to have again when im finally free. after the frist great party of my freedom. which we will need a house lol. i miss those days, its arguable that our best days are behind us.

i feel like ive had the greatest epiphany ever, i hope i can finally get my life on track and be happier than i ever was

thinking is the best and worst thing that ever comes out of grounding